sweetsugar

2012-02-05T19:15:00.000+08:00

Life is like a cigarette, without realising it you are puffing it away into the thin air and when start to realise it was gone and it will be too late. If only you realised that I could be this cigarette of yours.

It was never easy to forgive and forget but somehow if you want to be ruler of your life than you need to master BOTH of them at the same time. Some fights or problems were tough but worth it in certain ways. I start to question myself is all these worth it? I believe that, it will be worth it, so please don't prove me wrong.

Remember for what I have been crushed down can always be rebuilt again for if you have strong foundation beneath it, build it back yourself or best, build it both together, remember for you and your life partners are one, and you should be working it out together no matter how touch it will be.

I hope, we can build this foundation back together, despite the scars or hurt within. Let time wash away all the sorrows.

*- If you do not know how to draw a clear line between yourself and other girls ; than I will have to draw a clear line between me and you ; you make the choice -*

2012-02-05T16:05:00.000+08:00

There isn't a need to talk about building trust anymore when you can't even tell me one truth. Don't blame me for not trusting you in every single thing cause you brought all this upon yourself. Your action speaks alot. The present in your bike boot, when she mentioned she wanna vomit sitting on your bike, when you said you are at her house downstair waiting for her, I knew it that you went to fetch her. If your conscious is clear, just let me know... Why do you want to hide it from me? No matter where I go, what I do, I make it a point to let you know cause I respect you. And how about you? Do I even matters to you?

Now I don't even want to hug you when I'm sitting behind your bike, I cant stop thinking how other girl holding your waist behind you when you brake or whatsoever. Now I don't even wanna look you straight in your eyes, cause all I see in your eyes is LIES.

I chose to live on. I chose to let you do what you like. In future whether do you wanna be frank to be or lie to me, its all up to you. I have NO MORE TRUST or FAITH in you anymore. Don't blame me for being cold towards you.

This valentine day, so not looking forward.

My life = work + studies, and nothing else!

HURT once or twice, is enough to be painful for a lifetime.

2012-02-04T11:23:00.000+08:00

Back together, but everything seems different. The trust and faith is no longer there. This is the last, and only chance given to you. No words to describe how hurt I have felt... Especially I made myself to trust you and you proved me wrong.

Everyone says that NS is the best time to test the love any couple would have, and the most scenerio would be the girl being unfaithful or whatsoever... But.....Probably Im a bad girlfriend, not having enough time for you... Maybe you feel lonely... maybe maybe.... But the time I spent was on work and studies, is it fair for me huh? Im fighting for my future, our probably our future.. but what are you doing? Doing things you think it is fun to hurt me?

Even in the eyes of my mum, I was the bad one... How much I have done to protect you and you dont even understand?

The last chance, I know everything will be different though.... Really need more time to cool down.....

I hope, you can promise me this time round, and fulfil what you had to fulfil... If you love me, you will do anything for me, dont you?

2012-02-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

Why have things turned out to be this way ?

When the trust is no longer there, it hurts so much ... The same cycle over and over again. If I need a fall to learn, I'm having a great fall now , and it's real pain.

Have been covering my emotions at work and school and at home... To act like I'm fine and co concentrate at work and make e crews laugh when I can't even laugh myself ... I hate this mixed feelings...

Whatever things changed in this world, I'm sure my love for you remains....

Once ; twice ; never....

2012-01-29T17:57:00.000+08:00

Being hurt once and twice is enough ; or rather more than enough I should say. When can you ever understand that I was serious and totally affected by you? All you do was to smile while I'm crying and hurt. Why must all these go over and over again like a cycle? Tell me, how am I supposed to find the trust and faith in you again? I tried to trust you again since last year, but all these had to happen again.

Am I not being a good girlfriend enough or are you lonely? Am I not spending enough time with you? Whats wrong seriously?

Totally hurt by you this time round ; I guess I wont be able to find back the trust I had in you anymore.

Thank god, I will LOVE myself more from now on.

I hope you would read this, if it happened again, sorry, I will be gone forever.

Hurt. Blinded. Gone.

2012-01-03T01:27:00.001+08:00

Even though it was just a short trip to town with you and it's just a window shopping , I really enjoyed it ... You are the love of my life...

Well, girls are always sensitive ... Don't you know this ? I dunno why I'm being sensitive ... It's not a matter of no trust .. But it's a matter of how my heart feels .... Maybe I'm bein paranoid just because you are good friend to your ex.. Other people may be able to accept the fact that their current bf or gf can be friends with their ex.. But to me , I beg to differ ...

2011-12-24T03:14:00.000+08:00

When everything goes wrong, how am I going to make it right ?

Too much things have been happening recently , what's worse if school starts , how can I cope ? I have been trying to take things easy and try to stay positive. Seriously , trying hard and I did ... But was all this self denial ??

First, I was upset with my own performance at work ... Two no show cases of assessment, did I not do enough to make it perfect? I knew I did my best, but I still screw up as I concentrate too much on my exam on the start of the month , and when I'm back to work., I concentrate too much on making his birthday surprise ... This negligence of work is totally unacceptable ... To me , I want zero no show case ! Am I seeking for perfection? Is my expectation too high ? Was it just me ?

Next, been running in and out of hospital due to grandma condition , we all knew that she do not have much time left and I certainly wanted to accompany my mum to go through this hard time , and I knew that she needs me the most ... But how could I make myself excuse from work ? That would be extremely irresponsible to do so ... I love my family but I can't neglect my work .. What should I do ?

Next , you left the present at my house . Is the present not important to u ? After doing so much for u ? I don like it when u pushed me away yesterday ... Do I deserve all these ? Why can't u treat me good like how u treat other girls ? Why can't u be soft to me rather than being fierce to me ? When is the last Time u said ... I love u ??

Sometimes , I really wished to have someone to talk to ... Last time , I have u ... But now , I do not know who to turn to... I had a bad day at work , being scolded by customer because I m protecting my own crew ... Had a busy and tired day , and another crew grumble saying I ignore her but I was troubleshooting the kvs .. N worse still , u call n attitude me ... N I was troubled with my ach enrollment ... Ya , make everything my fault so that all of u will be happier !!!!!!!!!

Fuck

2011-12-19T15:56:00.002+08:00

I'm a very sensitive girl. If you know me well enough , I just want the one I love to care for me. I'm simple , and want nothing much.

2011-12-19T13:17:00.000+08:00

Hope my baby loves the birthday surprise , present and tiramisu ! I swear in my whole life I have not done so much for a guy before! Love you baby ....

2011-12-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

I have learnt to let go two things . It's not easy, seriously. Happier to let go at times. Happier if I don't think too much.

2011-12-01T00:55:00.001+08:00

What's the point of acting you have the money in front of your friends and paying the bill and ended up you have problems paying your bill ? Sighs ....

2011-11-24T10:52:00.002+08:00

You just don't understand . I don't like you go out with her , even though she is married , even though you guys are going out in a group . What I don't like is that everytime you already decided where to go , what to do ....so what's the point of telling me when you have already make a decision ? No matter I go , I always inform you . But you will never let me know . Probably I would be kept in the dark if I had not thrown temper yesterday .... Perhaps .....

You thought you knew me , you thought you knew .

Alone .

2011-11-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

I do not know why , but I have been feeling down recently .... I feel bad too , but the feeling to be squeezed in the middle, do any of you understand ? Everybody thinks that I forced you to BBQ the food, but ... Sigh . Whatever other says or think , I will just keep it in .. They don't understand .... Why must I learn how to satisfy every single one when nobody cares about how I feel ??

Okay , you got your bike , you get what you want ... But all I want is for you to ride safely ... I'm not gonna ask you promise anymore things .... You always make your decision without me , so it doesn't make any difference ...

Don't like it again ! Whatever . Whether you will tell me or don't tell me , it's up to your choice ! Why must I always find out that you go out with them , including her only when I see her tag u in Facebook or when your friend accidentally spill out ? I'm jus like a fool !

2011-11-18T09:48:00.001+08:00

Can't wait for the Uss trip ! Can't wait till e end of all my exams ! Can't wait to spend more time with u ! (:

2011-11-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

Really don't like the way you talk to me . Must you scold me ? Unreasonable . Hais

2011-10-26T17:10:00.000+08:00

Where is my kite flying, roller blade, ice skating, beach ? ):

2011-10-21T14:53:00.000+08:00

I understand that it is a little expensive for you for the USS. But it is not a matter of I have went before and why do I still want to go again? I just wanna go with you, get it? It is different to go with colleague and with boyfriend. The feelings are different. I was kinda of disappointed of course when you said as though I was forcing you to go. You know how much I wanted to go. And you promised to bring me to go. Nevermind, its okay. The decision lies in you. I dont wanna bother anymore. Promises are meant to be broken anyway. Dont make promises if you could not fulfil it.

2011-10-20T08:52:00.000+08:00

You are different , the most unique I ever found in my life . You are not that romantic at all to me , even though I really wished that you are. You just give me a special feeling.... As I was doing closing today for the housekeeping night , I suddenly remembered how I used to wait for you when you close your cash... I wished , I could turn back time and freeze the time ... I really miss those days ...

I love you .

2011-10-17T01:40:00.000+08:00

Tired of unhappy over the same thing again . I just don't like it but so what ? You will always forever be best friend with her . A fact that I could never change .

2011-10-11T14:37:00.001+08:00

Wished to go back to the times before we got together ... At least , I was happy .

2011-10-11T01:55:00.001+08:00

Not happy.

2011-10-09T00:49:00.001+08:00

Happy anniversary !!

Always feeling so emotionally unstable .. I feel stress but do you know ? I just need your shoulder to lie on , that's all .

2011-10-06T06:55:00.001+08:00

Depressed

2011-10-05T03:46:00.001+08:00

Not happy with my life now.

2011-10-03T01:10:00.001+08:00

I don't like you to play mahjong with her. I don't like you to contact her. Call me petty , yes I am but this is because I love you .

2011-09-23T23:50:00.000+08:00

Very tired to be waiting here . I know I have school and work so i always try my best to meet u. Maybe I should nt even be waiting here .

2011-09-15T20:38:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel much more better being alone .

2011-09-14T10:05:00.000+08:00

Shocked that you would say breaking up as the result of the agreement ... Was it a joke? Even if it is, I can't take it... It is too strong a word to be used ... You don't even know how I feel ...

2011-09-13T04:46:00.001+08:00

Another tired day from work . My back is aching , My hand is pain . Seriously , just lifting the fries vat I can feel the pain on my hand . Sigh . I really want to see doctor , but I do not have the time . I would be glad enough when I have the time to rest... This week , is very tough for me ....

What should I do ,to make myself feel better knowing the fact that you guys gonna have a meet up soon? This time round , in a group ... But, I just don't like it... Am I just plain selfish ? Or other girls would accept it? Am I the only one feeling this way ? Or other girls would feel the same way too? Am I too sensitive ?

Last of all , am I even perfect in the eyes of others?

2011-09-12T02:25:00.000+08:00

How I missed the past seriously ... Those days when you bring me out when I'm stress... Those days when you just sit by my side and listen to my rantings.. Those were the days ... But now, it's all different ... I know I may be slow and blur at times... Not responding to you or not saying anything doesn't mean that I'm ignoring you .. Sometimes I'm just thinking hard... You ever know what kind of stress I'm facing right now ? Currently I don't even feel like telling you my problem anymore since all I ever get is scolding from you ... I don't like the hard way , I don't like the scolding . Neither do I like the vulgar language ... You may scold it , but please do not scold your gf...

2011-09-07T22:44:00.001+08:00

The fear.

2011-09-05T03:10:00.000+08:00

It sets me wondering ... Was it me , or was it others? Am I really so not perfect in the eyes of others ? September is a tough month for me... With the upcoming of studying three days a week ( not including the time for projects and self studying ) , FOR preparation n running service on FOr... Monopoly preparation n running first day shift for monopoly ... How am I going to do it seriously ? If I spend my time at work and studies ... How am I going to spend time on family and boyfriend?? I really need a breathe ... Ya, I can't blame anyone .. I was the one who choose to take up three modules , that was my decision ... But I really can't take it when other people say they are stress with their life when I'm going through much more than them ? Sometime I ask for a little understanding ... But no one does ... All I ever get is scolding scolding and scolding ... I had enough . I'm really tired of life ...

2011-08-28T15:53:00.000+08:00

Maybe you are right. Maybe I just should not say anything at all. I always end up being scolded by you. Maybe I should just keep quiet and stop complaining.I thought I could tell you my unhappiness and you would understand. I would choose to complain to you cause you are the one that is closest to me . Now I guess I'm wrong ... I have no one to talk to... From now on , I will just keep quiet ... No matter what problems I met with or what unhappiness I had , I would just keep it to myself ... At least , you won't scold me....

2011-08-27T16:55:00.000+08:00

Awesome . No words to describe how I feel now . So what if I'm jealous ... It wouldn't change the fact that you would always be a best friend with her huh ? Who would enjoy seeing their bf/gf meeting their ex huh ? I'm sorry but I'm just not so generous enough ! I don't care if both of you are just friends or nothing ... But i just don't like it ? How many times should I say ? Just two of u only ? Forget it ...

I'm not the perfect one .

2011-08-06T00:39:00.000+08:00

To you , everything was a joke . But to me , it hurts. Why didn't you think through before you say anything ? This is not the first time ... How many more times do you want to hurt me ? Is saying those hurtful words , or scolding me , makes it like a joke to you ? I've had enough ... And numbed ... I don't even know how much do I stand in your heart... I didn't know that I was wasting your time all along ... is meeting up your girlfriend when you book out but she have to study due to exam wasting your time ? Ever spare a thought for me ? Why should I try to plan my time for you anymore when you don't even appreciate ? You don't even know that I always try my best to get off day on weekend and ended up I was being bad mouth by other manager ? Since I am wasting so much of your time than I might as well just work on weekend ...

Numbed .

2011-07-29T00:54:00.000+08:00

The battle between heart and mind . I hate to feel the sense of insecurity ... I want to be loved and pampered ... I wished you could be more romantic ... I wished you could be more sensitive on how I feel ... Perhaps , I'm asking for too much ...

I can't help but always compare our relationship to your past relationship ... Why do I see the sweetness you had with her and you could do anything for her ? Am I not worth you to do so ? Because you pampered them too much in the past and now you feel that I should not be pampered? Is it fair to me ?

I seriously envy those sweet couples having sweet memories ...

2011-07-27T22:06:00.000+08:00

Up till this day, I still ask myself , how much do you love me ? Why am I still asking this question again? When can I ever stop to feel the sense of insecurity ? Sometime I hope that you could be more romantic ... Sometime I hope that you can just stop scolding me ... I loved to be pampered but not to be scolded ... Sometime just some sweet SMS from you will brightened up my days ... Do you understand ? Feeling empty recently ... It's really different from the times before we got together and after we are together ... Sometime I really hope we can do some sweet things together ... Sometime when I see other guys being sweet to gf or to the girls they like , I seriously feel envy ......

2011-07-21T01:34:00.000+08:00

Do u ever Know I spit out blood ? Do u know I met with problem with work ? Do u know that I need to study for my upcoming exam ? Do u know that I m trying my very best to be a good girlfriend ? How much have I sacrificed for u ? Sigh . Why are you good to me in the past but not now ? Why you want me to say please so much ? Before we get Tgt , u always SMS me ... So if we are Tgt already I need to take the initiative to SMS u ? Every changes ? I'm really tired . I'm really tired of all these .

2011-07-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

How I wished I can be as successful I am in the past. Why do I always throw my temper whenever I'm tired ? I just need rest yesterday , don't you understand ? Do you understand the tiredness of me going through ? Having fever but still going to work ?

2011-07-13T01:53:00.000+08:00

How unfair life could be ? I'm just tryig to pursue what I want . I sacrifice , I give up , but who is willing to at least understand me and give me support ? All I hear is discouragement , saying I will break down ... Hey , I just need some support here ... People are just so selfish ... It doesn't matter anymore ... Everything is my fault ... I just wanna have my rights... I will just keep quiet ... No point saying anymore ... In 18 months time, I will prove everyone wrong for sure ....!

Lastly , now I know , the one who is really by my side is you . Thanks for all the understanding ... We will make it through ... I know we will. I love u baby .

2011-07-10T19:14:00.000+08:00

I'm just like any other normal girls , yearning to be loved. I may be hot tempered due to whatever I'm going through now, but I hope you could understand . I do feel bad whenever I throw my temper , but than again , who understand how I really feel ? Who really appreciate what I do ? Who really know the tiredness and stress level ? People always expect so much from me , I always have to understand others , but who is there to really understand how I feel ?

2011-06-18T21:51:00.001+08:00

What's the point of saying I love u only when u hurt me ?

2011-06-16T19:44:00.000+08:00

This is human I guess . There are times when we say hurtful words but we don't realise . Sometimes we care too much and we say such hurtful words. Ya, maybe asking a bf just to give me a big hug and telling me everything is okay , implies that I can don't regard you as bf at all. It's ok , my bad . I just need moral support , don't you understand ?

2011-06-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

Stubbornness kills me at times . But I just can't change this habit . I do not like to recieve help from anyone ,not even a single soul. It's not that I'm rejecting the help , but I wished to be independent . I need moral support, care and love more than financial support. This is me.

2011-06-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

Usual routine of you playIng with your fish and me sitting at one corner doing nothing . Bored to the max . Why is everytime our dating in this way ? Hais . I want go fly kite . Aiya , no point comparing myself with her . For her , you can do anything , but for me ? Who knows ?

2011-06-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

Happy 9 months anniversary ! Are you missing me like how I missed you now ? (: you are special in my life , never felt this way before. 9 months ago , we decided to be together , and now , I'm loving you even more . Pardon me for my attitude , stubbornness ... We learn to compromise . Glad to have you by my side baby ....

2011-06-04T11:54:00.001+08:00

Now , I find it hard to talk to you .

2011-06-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

I just feel so depressed . How can I stop this feeling ? Why will I tear unknowingly ? Why do I get panic so easily ? Why are there so many thoughts running through my mind ? Why is it that whenever I'm left alone , I start to cry ? I can't control . Seriously . Why ?

2011-05-29T17:59:00.001+08:00

Because I love you too much .

2011-05-29T10:46:00.001+08:00

What the hell am I doing ? Fuck

2011-05-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

Which girl would be able to take it when her boyfriend had his ex as his buddy ? Can your ex lover be your buddy ? Can you all be so close ? I don't like it . I just dont like it . Am I being selfish ? Am I thinking too much ?

I hate myself for feeling this way whenever you guys have gathering . I seriously hate myself . I should give you your freedom and let you choose your buddy . But it was my heart that does not allow me to do so . My heart is hurting bad .

No matter what , I know she is going to be your buddy forever . I'm just being demanding . My fault , my bad . I'm the baddest gf .

2011-05-25T22:46:00.001+08:00

It's better for me to keep quiet. Now I know , I should have kept quiet.

2011-05-24T02:49:00.000+08:00

Feeling so imperfect . I hate this feeling . Why is the world so small ? Perhaps , it's meant to be, it's fated. I can't stop feeling inferior . Not the girl . Not the perfect one .

2011-05-24T02:47:00.001+08:00

Sometime , I wished I don't know certain things . Self denial ? Feigning ignorance ? Over sensitive ? I just dOnt like it . Any couples that broke up , are impossible to be friends anymore .

2011-05-22T18:51:00.001+08:00

Sometime , I wished I don't know certain things . Self denial ? Feigning ignorance ? Over sensitive ? I just dOnt like it . Any couples that broke up , are impossible to be friends anymore .

2011-05-02T15:18:00.000+08:00

This is indeed tiring . I tried very best to juggle with work, u, studies and family . No joke, it's real tiring. I always look forward to your book out. But when you're in camp, I slogged myself with work, mdp, payroll, settle school stuff, go through cldp . It's not easy, not easy . Sometimes being with you I just yearn for you to givee one big hug and tell me everything gonna be okay . I know something my face look like theres no expression or I simply do not want to speak is because I'm real tired, but you didn't notice. Instead of letting me rest, I tried to accompany you even though I don't like LAN gaming, I don't like arcade fishing . Do you know what I really want? Do you know in your car ytd I almost cried when you scold me? Nah, I dont even know if you would read this . Doesn't matter. Probably I just can't be as important as her. I'm just not good enough.

2011-04-25T10:22:00.000+08:00

Probably it's true that a relationship is just like flying a kite . We have to pull and let go at times . It's good to be opening up the thoughts to each other rather than doubting every single day. It's good to have freedom too , probably this is what we want .

Feigning ignorance makes my life easier too. No matter what I see , I just have to pretend I don't know anything . Probably , making myself feel better.

2011-04-20T00:03:00.002+08:00

And so , having trust and faith makes me happier .... And I tell myself , no more doubt , see things on a lighter note. 看开就开心，不要想太多。

2011-04-16T13:24:00.001+08:00

You always sensed that something is wrong yet you never know what goes wrong . If you had read my blog, you would have known . I just want you to remember your promises you had made and stop flirting .

2011-04-15T16:50:00.000+08:00

知道太多不好。我选择不闻不问。真的是 "A leopard never changes its spot" 。现在我相信了。说了也没用。你也不听。说了又不听，听了又不懂，懂了又不做，做了又不服。。。那，我还有说活的余地吗？

都不知道你到底会不会读到这一切？

心，以麻木了。

2011-04-15T15:05:00.000+08:00

If you feel that going to her wedding is important , go ahead . I'm not stopping you anymore . It's your choice , afterall . There isn't a need to say because of me and you are not attending , if you feel that you want to go , you can always turn up . It's your leg , no one can stop you .

2011-04-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

Why cant you just be sensitive to how I feel? I dont like it I just dont like it!

2011-04-05T03:35:00.002+08:00

Still wide awake. Sometime I wonder, its hard for me to ask you certain things. Is it cause Im not good at words or you just dont feel like saying?

2011-04-04T01:25:00.002+08:00

Promises are meant to be broken . You've forgotten your promises to me , didn't you ? Afterall , you still try to contact her?

2011-04-04T00:59:00.000+08:00

Her, her, me.

Well, it's all in the past and we should work towards our future. I do not know how but I will try my best. I hope you would do the same thing too. I may not be as perfect as her, but I believe every individual have their good and bad points. How can I let you forget her? That's a very good question, when would it be the day that I could be assured that you have already forgotten her? Maybe, Im just not as good as her.

100% faith, 100% trust. Sandy , you can do it.

I LOVE YOU, thats for sure.

2011-04-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

Shagggggg..................

KO

Every mistake that we make, we learnt. I can only say that no one is perfect. Or probably how perfect we tried to be, others would still find fault with us, so why not just see life in a lighter note?

Awwww.... as usual, gotta cut the stupid panadol into 4 little pieces before I can swallow it? Awww, hope to get well before my birthday!!! hais, go to work with fever really is, can bang wall and die. >< But ya, I'm not gonna fall as long as I can tahan through!

hate flu, hate headache, hate sore throat, hate fever, go away pls!

2011-04-01T02:13:00.000+08:00

Gastric acting up , fever on and off, headache, sore throat . What else ? But do not have you to take care of me , all the more I should Learn how to recover myself . Sigh

2011-03-31T01:33:00.002+08:00

没有什么事情我做不了。我想要的，想做的，一定能做得到。

2011-03-30T23:15:00.000+08:00

Are we really not meeting on Saturday? Sigh...... Tried my best to change my shift but impossible to trouble them too much.... Ya, probably we may not have the time to meet when you book out in the morning, maybe when I finish work is late, but why can't we meet after that? Don't we used to meet up with each other no matter how late it is? Arghhh... nvm. I just think too much.

2011-03-30T20:13:00.000+08:00

PDS PDS PDS.... Awww...... Someone save me please. ><

I would really be glad if, for once, I could stay healthy for one whole month! Since I started working McDonald full time all the way till now, I have been falling sick every month! Dear god, please be good to me. ><

Next month, gotta have at least 3 weekends unable to spend with you. ;(

2011-03-30T01:05:00.000+08:00

Weird.

I'm starting to panic again. Panic if I'm able to get back to studies, panic if I could survive by my own if I were to go back to studies, panic if I can make it through. Hating this kind of feeling, back to this kind of breaking-down feeling again and i definitely hate this. This feeling gets even worse when I fall sick. Sometimes, I just feel like giving up.

~~inu~~

2011-03-29T16:37:00.000+08:00

How ironic .... Facebook is a good network however, it's a place we know who will he the true friends .

Now, you and her are Friends on Facebook ... Why the sudden acceptance of her???

2011-03-29T14:20:00.001+08:00

I do not believe in sweet-talking, I only believe in... ACTIONS.

Action speaks louder than words.

2011-03-29T04:20:00.001+08:00

Events

Little events, let me see the true colors of ' True friends '. True friends will be shown by action, how true it is?

For me to know, for you to find out. -/

2011-03-28T03:00:00.001+08:00

I'm wondering if did ~~you~~ read my blog?

2011-03-26T11:52:00.000+08:00

Sandy Yam what are you doing?! I shouldnt be so stressed ... Its only more things to do... I can do it I can do it..................... hais.

how am i gg to squeeze out yr essay?omg

Why do i feel so pek chek?

;(

2011-03-25T23:45:00.000+08:00

~~What are words? They never go away...~~

Tired with my work, payroll, fast and friendly, pds. I have done none of them and my deadline is killing me... But I still chose to do your essay first......... Cant wait to see you tomorrow....

I chose to trust, I tried to trust.

` Provided if my heart have the faith ` -

2011-03-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

~~Missing you~~

Can't wait for Saturday to arrive... This time round have lesser time to be with you. ;(

2011-03-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

I really dont like the way you make me angry. Please, do not make me angry again okay? I love your embrance, I love your smell, I love you calling me Bai Chi, Ben Dan, Qing Ai De, Darling, Honey, Dear... Anything you name it. But, once I found out if you call any other girls the same way you call me, than, probably I'm not the special one in your heart. I don't care if it was meant to be "play play" or was it real, or you just say for the sake of saying it. To me, its about the respect you have towards your partner. Call me selfish, probably yes, I am selfish because I cant accept it if my partner calls another girl the same way he calls me...Probably it was all the past, probably it happened when we just got together, probably that girl is just a normal friend, but ya, I just dont like it. I know how to draw a clear straight line between me and other guys, I always wanted my partner to do the same to me too.

Love, how to treat one with proper treatment? Probably, remembering all the promises, remembering anniversary dates, dropping a simple sms just to wish me a happy anniversary... probably, I would be so glad enough and delighted.

I guess, partly, the fault lies in me. I do not know how to express myself when I feel hurt.

Baby, I just want to go back to the past.

Day to day, it seemed like I'm slowly closing my heart against you.... I'm afraid at any point of time you would hurt me. Till the day I stopped asking myself this question: How much do you love me? Than that would be the day I totally have 100% faith in you.

Love,
Bai Chi

2011-03-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

~~Insecure.~~

Till this day, I still ask myself... "How much do you love me?" Why do I keep having all those thoughts running through my mind? I'm still feeling so insecured. There are so many things that I wanted to tell you, but I never had a chance to do so. I want to tell you how stressed I am right now, but I couldn't... Knowing that you are in NS, I wouldnt want you to worry about me. Facing so much problems with my family, and having the stress with work, I tell myself, I can do it. But this time round, without you by my side.

I want to tell you how much I treasure the times we had before we got together. But it seems like I cant turn back time. Sometimes I get so disappointed, probably you forget whats my favourite flavour for Hello Panda..Probably you always forget your promise towards me..... I wanted to go Disney on Ice, I wanted to go USS with you. I wanted to go fly kite at Marina Barrage with you.. I wanted to play ice skating with you, roller blade with you, no one else but you...I wanted to spend our anniversary and valentine day without fail, I would be glad enough if you would, remember when is the day of our anniversay....Sometime I just get so disappointed when you ask me what date is it today when it was supposed to be our anniversary.

How much do you treasure me? You can always say that you only wanted to disturb me.. By disturbing me, you are hurting me.... Probably you just want to say it and disturb me and ask me to get out of the car.. But have you ever thought of my feeling? ‘还不快点下车’。。。 I will remember how you chase me out of the car...

Do you know how to treasure? And again, you told me you love to disturb me... by disturbing me,you are hurting me when you purposely made me angry... So, do you love me or you love to make me angry and love to hurt me? Why dont you learn how to treasure a person at all?

Im holding on to my family. Im holding onto you. Im really tired. Real tired. Please, stop hurting me, will you? I really love you and I hope you are true towards me.

Maybe, I will never ever be the one and only in your heart.

2011-03-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

No matter what happen, all of us deep down knows that we love this family. I cannot hold on to this family myself. If all of you chose to give up, no matter how hard I tried would be in vain. I always fight for what I want and I became what I am today. But is all that I'm doing worth it? Why can't we just learn to piece everything up together? I can't do all these alone. If you guys wanna commit suicide, I think I feel like doing it more than you do. Keeping quiet doesn't mean it's nothing to me, it just simply shows that I'm sick and tired of holding on. I hope this family won't split. Maybe my 21st birthday is the only way to bring back you all together . If you guys do not attend, I think we know the answer. Please, I pray that you guys turn up . We flow the same blood. And we should live as one. Why should we have doubt on each other? Why can't we learn how to treasure ...... Dear blog, you are the only one I could talk to right now.

Yours sincerely

2011-03-21T11:56:00.000+08:00

~~Confessions~~

Dear blOg,

A little confession. Things are moving fast and the world is not stopping for me... The workload is too much to handle and the family that I had just makes me want to, get out of everything . Seriously, I always envy other kids born with silver spoon. They don't get to worry about monthly house allowance, neither do they need to bother about having enough money for studies. Put their hands out, and there they go with the money . I fight so hard to be what I am today and something I ask myself, is it worth my fight or is it my fight in the first place? Be it work, family or relationship, what is really worth the fight ?

Awww .... Blame my itchy hand again.... Blame my curiosity .... Blame my lost in faith and trust which leads me to another disappointment ... But, I tell myself , one needs to Learn how to forgive and forget in order to move on . Trust , when will you be back ? When would be the day ? How special is love in order to be the one and only ? Will I ever be the only
One and only in your heart? Or probably you can fit others in at times ?

2011-03-18T21:24:00.000+08:00

~~What is love?~~

Everybody knows how to say I LOVE YOU. But learning how to love your love one with proper treatment is hard, love is something magical yet it's hard to fully understand what it meant.

Love is like a magic, you need to learn it, by only understand what it is wont really help much. You need to know how to use it and practise it. Different people have different perception of love. And whats yours?

When perception clash, there will be battlefield, clashing between perception will tell you no winner nor the loser, afterall its what we been harness since we were young.

No one like battlefield but the love keeo the both of you tie up together, because not much people can fully understand the words " I love you enough to let you go " Its rather hard to endure the pain and wound from the battlefield but often we believe if we managed to hang it on something magical would actually happen, unfortunately, it doesnt happen at all times.

There are 2 reasons/scenarios why God send someone come into your life, first God sent someone into your life but you might not ended up with happy ending, it is not because God want to hurt you, it is because God want you to learn something that particular person. Well the second one pretty much is happy ending.

Day and night my little heart keep praying and hoping that you will be my right one but who know? only God does, all we could do is learn in every single situations and improvise myself and learn from every single mistake that I made, if it doesn’t ended up with what I expected I hope it will be a sweet goodbye.

And thank god that He brought you into my life. I will never know if you are the right one for me till the day we grow old.

Love,
Bai Chi.

2011-03-10T22:26:00.000+08:00

Maybe, maybe Im not a good girlfriend.... I have been working hard from morning till night at work during weekdays and during weekends i just yearn to hear your voice and recieve your sms....

I thought, that was a joke. But it turned out to be you are really angry with me? sigh. Okay, my fault for not smsing you. Did you reallly did not receive my sms?

speechless.

2011-02-27T19:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, looking at how perfect other people are. I stopped for awhile and looked at myself. What is it that Im not better off than them? Why do i still feel so inferior? Afterall, it's the past.

~~Am I really not worth the love?~~

Life, is not as simple as what we think. Every single people that I met changed " the path of my life " You did too. You taught me how to be independent. It is not a coincidence that I met you in my life, perhaps, it is all fated and we went through one big round, it is beyond scientific explanation.

Good memories bring you joy, happiness, sweetness and all the good stuffs. But that doesnt mean bad memories always bring you sorrow and sadness. We gain, we lose, and we learn something from every relationship. Memories are the past moment that you had in your life, what we need to do is to look forward and not backward. What we should be worrying about is not the past, because human can't override time/
Life seems like a straight road with an ending point with and dead end sometimes, as though its the end of every single thing, but who knows, there might be a corner somewhere around the end?

2011-02-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

Goals?

It doesn't matter who you are, what you have succeeded in the past or how glorious you can be. It's all the past and no point glossing over those moments. Instead, use them to remind you that you can in fact achieve your future goal.

Yes, a goal that I cannot achieve will not be my goal. Once I set my goal, I go all out for it and never give up. And yes, they are my studies and driving. These 3 years, I will get them no matter what!

Life without you feels weird, feels lonely. And practically I'm missing you every second.... ;( Well, it could be a good and bad way to start off... At least, in these two years, we can know if we are true to each other. I will be true, I belive you too!

Missing you!

2011-02-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

Awww.... Sad that you have to serve NS.... Well, I will still wait for you for 2 years no matter what. (: Im starting to miss you already... howwwww???? Tell meeeee howwww???

I have no idea but suddenly all our past flashes through my memories.... Before we got together, after we got together.. how we quarrelled... the happy and bad times... and suddenly, it makes me feel like i just do not want to do anything but just sit down and wish that you are by my side...are you feeling the same way too??

It's already 10.20pm ... Why arent you calling me? I thought you able to make a phone call at 9.30pm? Did you chose not to call me or kana tortured by officers? Well, i shall try to think on the bright side...

;( x 100!

2011-02-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

~~Teared~~

Tell me, how many times must I cry over you again. Probably giving a couple of hands and fingers wont help in the counting. I have never cried so badly before. You are the first one to make me feel that way. Why? Am i not doing enough or am I not the right girl?

To trust someone is not as easy as ABC, you broke my trust again. To open your heart for someone new in your life is not easy as well. Promises and trusts are meant to be broken. Human are so naive and easy to be manipulated. To love someone completely is just like fairy tales.We are adult enough to realize that we need to get out of fairy tales and start to grow up.

In life we always struggles what we should believe in and what we should ignore. Every human are born to be liar it just the matter how good they are, Guys are good at covering their own ass.

When guy told you he is never going to lie to you, well that is the greatest lie he ever told you. Ladies always fall for the trap that guys set for them, they always buy the story without thinking twice. Guys are sweet talker just like bear can’t live from honey and the best part is ladies love honey, so ironic isn’t.

Life is always full of pros and cons, it is good that you love someone fully and truthfully, but when something goes wrong in the relationship it might backfire at you. So what can you do?

Well, Do not love someone fully or truthfully unless they are your other half, if there is percentage of loving someone, it is the best you put in 75%. So when love let you down at least it won’t cause so much damage on yourself and you can easily move on. Especially ladies, you girls might look tough from outside but from inside you girls are as fragile as a layer of thin glass.

And yes, the thin glass of mine is totally shattered. TOTALLY!

Folks remember, sometimes in life you need to be a little bit selfish to protect yourself from others.

2011-01-13T19:43:00.000+08:00

Many things have been happening recently.

Awww...................... this is getting more and more stress....!

2011-01-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why have I been feeling so moody these few days... Sometimes, it feel that no matter what I do, no one knows how to appreciate it... Be it in regards to work, family or relationship... Oh well, why must I do so much than? Do I live for others or for myself...

Lately, I've realised... We gotta treasure our loved ones before we lose them.. We may not want to lose them, but certain circumstances may force us to lose them. It hurts, yes and it hurts badly. I feel the pain when I heard the news. There is nothing we can do to help. Afterall, it's fated.

All in all, please treasure whatever you have.

And, I gotta do all the shit even I dont wanna to........!!

2011-01-10T01:03:00.002+08:00

Sometime, I ask myself: "How much do you love me?" Comparing me to the both of them, how much do I stand in your heart? When will I stop asking myself such questions? When would be the day?

2010-11-19T20:07:00.000+08:00

Be sincere and trust only to those who earn it from you bit by bit, or else you will be hurt badly. To keep every single feeling to yourself because you know it's good for the own good of both of you guys, is the most painful process you need to go through in your life. Time is the only thing that you need to deal with.

To see someone start to slip away from your life and you basically can't do anything, is the worse part. Because you know it's the best for both of you guys. If you love someone truthfully, you rather you get yourself hurt than the both of you suffer together.

Love is almighty, love is about forgive and forget. But as a human, sometimes it is just very difficult for us to do so.

2010-11-09T12:25:00.000+08:00

~~WHY~~

Human love to question God. Why YOU put me is such a difficult situation? Why YOU allow such shit to hurt me? Why am i less fortunate than other? Why cant YOU just make my life a little better?

Question will go on and on and it will be never ending. Well, have you ever thought that God put you through in this kind of harsh situation to make you learn to be a better person? Human will learn when it hurts. Regrets always come in the end ; no pain, no gain. There is no need to elaborate more, you guys should understand.
So if shit happen in your life next time, take it as a lesson to be learnt. You may complain but not so much, start to look thing at a different angle and eventually you will learn something from it.
After the rain, there would be rainbow !!!

2010-11-09T12:21:00.000+08:00

~~LOVE~~

Oh well, what is LOVE? Girls always like to ask their boyfriend, "Do you love me MORE today?", In the first place, can you measure love? If you do, let me know how to do it.. How are you suppose to know you love someone more today? If you do, it is called affection, not love.

Love is just love, nothing more. Love is simple yet it is too complicated to be understand, it's like beyond the complexity of formula or calculation. So if you do love somebody, just tell him/her "iloveyou" and that's enough. Simple yet it contain significant meaning.

2010-10-30T22:40:00.002+08:00

I am totally burnt out for the past few days. I just want to SHOUT OUT LOUD!

I really need some rest.

2010-10-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

Purpose of life

It's been a long time since I actually sat down at starbucks using laptop, like how i used to be.

And I sat down here, thinking: What is life? Human love to complain about their life, who doesn't do so anyway? Sometimes we try to figure out what is the purpose for being alive? Being alive to live because of others? Or do we live for ourselves? We love to doubt our own capabilities just because we know that there is someone out there who is better than us in terms of everything.

We start to find all sort of reasons and excuses for ourself, just because we don't want to face the probelm. We love tp live in denial. Think, there are millions of peope in the world out there which is not as fortunate as us, we can walk, run and do anything we like. Some people out there may even have the difficulty just to have a meal. The reason for us to live in denial is because we are broken inside before we even start to battle with all the problems.
Tune up the mentaility, get it in the correct frequency, and think about people who care about you as your motivation. There is no point for being complete outside while you are broken inside.

Enough of all the life philosphy.... Time to think about what I wanna out of my life as well~

2010-10-08T14:31:00.000+08:00

Memories: Good or bad ; all for you defination

Everyone has memories, either bad or good ones. Good memories bring you joy and happiness and bad memories are bound to make you feel sad. But, it aint 100 percent true, bad memories arent that bad in compared to those sweet memories.

It is pretty much depend on how you look at it. Sometime you need to use different angle to look at life, and you will realise life arent that bad at all. Let's just use a different angle to look at those bad memories, surely you gain or learn something from it, besides sadness and sorrows. Memories are the past moment that you had in your life, what you need to do is look forward, not backward.

There is not such terms like "Those memories start to hunt me down", how is it suppose to hunt you down while those memories are the past?
What you need to worry is the future not the past, because as a human we can’t override time.

“Life seems like a straight road with an ending point with and dead end and sometime seems like it is the end of everything, but who know there will be a corner somewhere around the end?, so try to look thing at different angle.

2010-10-06T01:53:00.000+08:00

FATE ; memories ; UNIQUE

Coincidence or delibrately? Whatever you name it. At the very least, we are on our own roads, our own paths. Once a stranger, Once a friend, Once a colleague, Once a lover ; and back to stranger all over.

Sometimes in life we might bump to someone we really love but the problem is that not every couple who loved each other will last for eternity. We might still feel the same towards he/she but it is just different, perhaps we feel for the past but not for the present. It's nice to bump on someone like that, it bring back memories but we should understand that deep down in us we already moved on, it's just pieces of puzzle now. Memories is just so oh, unique.

We still feel towards he/she but we already move on in life.

2010-10-05T14:21:00.003+08:00

Jealousy kills, it really do.

2010-10-03T09:37:00.000+08:00

Last Day

What would you do, if today was your last day? And you'll never ever see your love ones again, never to give them a hug. Would you tell them that you love them? After seeing what happened, he was strong.

Human always take things for granted. When you have the one you love or your family with you, you wont even bother to give them a glance or tell them 'iloveu'. And only to weep when they left you. So, moral is: let your loved ones know how much you love them before you ever regret.

*Life is unpredictable*